...what my feelings sound like

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December Syndrome

December 23, 2007

Bonnie Raitt - I Can't Make You Love Me

We can’t always get what we want. I’ve only been in a relationship once and unfortunately, it didn’t last that long. At least I got the feel of having one after 24 years of being single (pathetic!). I wish I could date every single night and find the perfect one for me. I’m the one beggar who is a chooser. Well, there’s actually a lot of us already. It’s very rare for me to go out with the people I meet in the chat. It’s either I’m too good for them or they’re too good for me. But this one is different. I know I’m so out of this person’s league but still I’m gonna push through with it. This person is my biggest crush and in the two years that this person has been in my messenger friendlist, it’s only now that we’ve exchanged numbers. How overwhelming to have your crush actually talk to you. I thought we have this connection, if you know what I mean. But after a week, this person has showed me enough indifference making it obvious that the connection that I was talking about wasn’t really there. sad.

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Luck Strikes

December 22, 2007

 After my one month rotation in Sapang Palay community center, which is basically a vacation for all of us, I am now back to reality – the toxic world of the hospital. It’s almost Christmas and there’s a high likelihood that I’ll be spending it in the ER. Oh well this is the life that I chose, I can’t put the blame on anyone but myself, and it’s too late for me to go back. Anyway, I am so not in the mood to wake up early every single morning and see patients, for real. I have calculated it and I’m on duty on the 25th. Good enough. At least I can spend the Christmas Eve with my family. But life has its own twists and turns. After our orientation, I found out that I’ll be staying in the OPD until January 9. And OPD is closed on weekends and holidays. We are the only group who’ll be enjoying both Christmas and New Years break. This is my year ender luck. I hope it gets going until our revalida. It’s two months from now and I’m having chest tightness just thinking of it again.

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Lost

December 2, 2007

Karma - Alicia Keys

My things flew all over the place. S@#% I lost my steth (it’s littman by the way)! How stupid of me not to notice it had fallen out of my bag. I left my bag practically the entire day inside the O.R. I can’t believe someone would be interested in it. He/she could have gotten my laptop instead (not that I’m hoping it had happened). I have been losing my stuffs one after the other ever since clerkship started– my digital thermometer, sphygmomanometer, ID, penlight, (my mind?) and now my steth (. My med bag already lost its purpose. Going back to my lost steth, I had it for barely a year and it was only given to me by my tita which makes losing it harder for me to accept (aside from the fact that I don’t have money to replace it). I’m having separation anxiety again. I started rearranging my things wishing it had only been covered by my books or something. Of course I didn’t fail to do the re-enactment. The part where I try to recall what I did the day it was lost and go to the places I’ve been to and ask the people taking care of those places. In the end, when I’ve exhausted all the means but still haven’t found it, I’d lie in bed hopeless with tears soaking my pillowcase, blaming myself for being stupid. Then I'd tell my Mom how badly I feel hoping she'd sympathize with me.  


Always look at what you have left. Never look at what you have lost. 

- Rober H. Scguller

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